2016-05-31: BAH PATROL

avatarben2016-05-31: Recently I grew tired of opening my Amazon boxes and my fanmail with my bare fingers, ripping apart the cardboard/tape/paper until my hands are entirely white and red from pressure and anger, and until all that is left of the box/envelope is a messy pile of mushy paper pulp.

You see I'm not exactly the most patient type of person, so finding an x-acto is usually out of the question. The situation was clearly unbearable, so I decided to treat myself with a cool-looking knife, because why not. I shopped around, read some reviews, placed an order, and waited a little over two weeks. I started to get excited. You know... yay, a cutty-sharpy thingy!

Behold, this beauty is the CRKT Fossil, designed by knifemaker Flavio Ikoma, with an incredibly smooth IKBS ball bearings system:


And behold, this is my hand after 45 minutes of owning it:


Look, I'm not going to say I'm a complete imbecile who doesn't know how to handle simple tools, but I'm certainly going to let you think just that, because I clearly deserve it. For the record I did not cut myself by actually using it: I closed it on my fingertip while fiddling with it. Oh yeah, I'm that guy. So the knife is going back in its box, on the highest shelf of my office, and I might use it later when I grow up. Please don't send me any mail in the meantime.


PS: I desaturated the pictures because big pink fingers just look weird on screen. Also that bump on my other finger is not caused by plague or something; I get this from the awkward way I hold my pen.
DazzWorld is a webcomic about dazzling heroes, space travel, strange new worlds, engaging mysteries, and Love. There's also a chinchilla. The comic is updated weekly on Tuesdays.

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Creator: benbd@dazzworld.com [Twitter: DazzBen]
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